What is the matter with you people?

Okay, seriously now.

I know I can be a bit hard on you, mankind, but, well, it's just because I expect so much of you! I mean, you've walked on the moon, you've discovered gravity, electricity, and the power of the atom, and even invented online banking!

So, when I see things like Chick's Tracts, well....

I'm not angry, mind you. I'm just, disappointed.

Mr. Jack Chick, of "Chick's Tracts" is what we called in high school, a "shit starter". He makes inaccurate, insulting, and inflammatory remarks on subjects he has little to no knowledge of, and does it all in the name of being a good christian. Oh, and making 50 cents a pamphlet. You see, Mr. Chick SELLS these "informational guides to christian living", with titles like "In the beginning...Soup?" in which Mr. Chick goes on to tell you how teaching children about evolution leads to school shootings. No, I'm not fucking kidding.

DIRECT QUOTE FROM CHICK.COM!
"Why shouldn't kids be expected to shoot their teachers and fellow students when they are taught that their creator was primordial soup? That false teaching steals their purpose in life and the basis for their moral standards"

False teaching? Wait....let me get this straight.
Evolution = Scientific Fact.
God > Scientific Fact.
Gravity = Scientific Fact.
God > Gravity.
Ergo....
Christians can fly.

Hm. Glad we got THAT cleared up.

In closing, I'd like to talk to all you religious folks out there.
I don't believe in God, I'm a man of science. But even so, I keep an open mind. If I encountered something modern science can't explain, I'll admit that. Most scientists will. Some will go on to add that it'll be understood later, but I digress.

We people of science, that is, rational thinking human beings, have managed to come up with a lot of answers to the questions of the universe. Quite a few. If it was not for us, we'd all be living in caves still, howling at lightning.

What's more, we can admit when we are wrong, and more importantly, when someone else is right.

So, I ask you, mankind, is it REALLY to much for me to ask you ignorant christian savages to accept the scientific FACT of evolution? I mean, jiminy CRICKET!

And you know, just because evolution exists doesn't mean your god doesn't. Is it so hard to believe a big invisible bearded man who lives in the sky who has the power to create the universe in 6 days wouldn't ALSO have the power to set evolution in motion?

Some of the most common "reasonings" I hear from christians when I mention this...
"It's not written in the bible."
Well, that's true. But then, why would an all powerful deity write a book of truth for his people, and try to lay out evolution to a bunch of cromags who just figured out the wheel?
And, for that matter, it doesn't say in the bible "Thou shalt disparage and beat queers", but you guys seem to have picked that up anyway. What's one more allowance?

"But what about the story of The Garden of Eden?"
Seriously, I don't know why you people even bring this up. And yet, it's the one I hear most often. For God's sake, does this look like a fucking Kinder-Care to you? That storytale shit isn't going to fly. If anything, it's a fucking metaphor. It's not fucking LITERAL, you god damn idiots. But for that matter, maybe there IS some truth to it. God created man and all the animals from clay, right? Well, lets say you are trying to relate evolution to a 3rd century BC human. What term are you going to use? "A mixture of amino-acids in a primordial soup?" or "mud".

"Evolution is just a theory."
No, it's not. It was a hundred years ago. We managed to prove it since then. But you don't have to take my world for it. Go to the library, get a book on anthropology, or go to a museum, and LINE UP THE FUCKING MONKEY SKULLS!

"Well, what about the missing links?"
Sh*t-hea*. See, looky there. Missing two whole letters, but still, if you look at it and think about it rationally, you know it still says "shithead."

Well, that's enough for now I think. All this talk of religion is making my frontal lobe burn.

Time to go consume some yummy alcohol! Uh oh! Look out, Mormons! I'm going to hell! But you'll be fine, I'm sure, with your ten wives under 16. Freaks.