I am fucking sick of you people.

It's true enough. I've always disliked you, masses. I've always thought of you as one might an ugly, slow cousin. You hang around, unwanted, and unloved, saying stupid things to try to fit in, smelling foul and just generally being a pain in the ass. No, mankind, I've never liked you, particularly. There are some exceptions, of course, fewer and fewer, these days, but on the whole, I don't enjoy your company. I think you are fat, ugly, and stupid, and no I don't want to go to your party.

Lately, however, and especially today, I find myself filled with complete and total HATRED for all of you.
Every,
last,
stinking,
one of you.

Women, men, adults, children, white, black, you all make me fucking sick.

Men. Stop being so fucking pathetic. Stop allowing your penis to lead you around. Or at least stop letting women lead you by your penis. It's insulting to the entire fucking species. You must realize it, on some level, right? Stop going out of your way to thrust yourself on these girls who don't know any better, or who do know better and are just using you. It makes me sick.

Women. You, perhaps, are the worst of all. Figure out what the fuck you want before you open your god damn mouths. I mean, seriously. It's not hard to do. WHAT. DO. YOU. WANT.
From life. From me. From the fucking EASTER BUNNY. WHAT DO YOU WANT? Quit playing games with people. Quit getting dragged into stupid relationships. Just be clear. Make your feelings known. AND STOP TELLING US YOU ARE FAT.

Children. Stop being so god damn noisy. Clean your room. AND DO NOT GET ONLINE, MESSAGE ME, AND TALK ABOUT WHAT A L337 H4X0R you are! It's fucking DONE, and a god damn yahoo chat bot does not make you bill mother fucking gates! SHUT UP! CLEAN YOUR ROOM!


You people are fucking disgusting. I can't STAND to be near any of you. You're all so petty, and self absorbed. Heaven forbid you think of something outside your own meager 'thoughts, and feelings'. Pathetic. GROW UP.

I know what I want. I know who I want to be with, I know what I want to do with my life, I've got that all figured out. You know what the bitch of it is? I can't seem to get my hands on any of it. When I do get a little taste, when things start going right for a change, my life among you PEOPLE has made me so distrustful and paranoid, if some circumstance doesn't come along and royally fuck things up, I FIND ONE THAT DOES. I'm USED to looking for the worst in people, so when I see something that MIGHT be that, I figure that it's the worst case scenario!

And I'm usually right. Usually people do not suprise you. They are just as petty, and self absorbed, and stupid as you might expect them to be.

But then there's that ONE person who isn't. And I fucked up. I made a mistake, and a blew my chance at a really good thing, and I don't think I can get that back, no matter what I do.

And yes, that's my fault. But WHY did I do it? Why did I fuck up? Because of you. You untrustworthy, selfish fucks. I've gotten so accustomed to being fucked over by people, I assumed a very nice girl would, too. And I was wrong.

I'm so furious right now. So amazingly pissed of at all of you. The past, the present, the forseeable future. In all 3 time frames, you're driving me fucking insane.

My eyes red over with anger, and I can hear the sound of my blood pumping through my veins, like it's right inside my ear drum. I stalk around the house, nothing to do, no one I'd want to talk to, feeling so angry I'm sick to my stomach.

I can't sleep.
I can't eat.
And the temptation to bury my fist in the drywall of my house is becoming to much to bear.

WHEN I manage to sleep, I have the same old nightmares. I wonder if that's the right word for a dream that causes you to wake up screaming and drenched in sweat after what seems like only minutes. Vivid, terrifying dreams, full of things i could not being to discribe in words (and I've tried.), things that stalk, and chase. But the worst dreams arn't the ones where some unknowable monster chases me. It's the other ones, that whisper some hidden truth about my own mind, that scare me the most.

I find myself stuck in the house. No where to go. At least, no where I want to go. With the storm closing school on monday, I haven't left the house in at least 5 days. Maybe more. And I don't care to, either.

I feel like i'm cracking up, and it's your god damn fault. I used to be a very nice person. I really did. But then you people came along, and you just couldn't let me be. You chipped away at me, bit by bit, and I think soon there might not be enough left to hold together.

I've been on edge for a long time now. For at least a year now. I think the last straw is coming soon.

I hate everything, now. I hate you people, I hate this country, I hate this situation. I hate the direction my life has taken. I hate the fact that there doesn't seem to be a god damn thing i can do about it.

But I REALLY hate the fact that I'm just like you fucks, now. I have become what I hate.

I wish I could say I could sink no lower, but I've learned that's not true. Hell has no bottom.